Volume I – Episode 83

Where: Melbourne, Australia

When: 11 months and 26 days before E-Day, 8:38 pm

I sat on my couch, fuming. All I could think about was the time. It’s already after 8:30 and the movie starts at 9. We’re not going to make it.

Eleven days had passed since Jessica’s “I could be yours for a year” text message. Eleven days of stress, tension, internal debate, anticipation and bitter disappointment. I still wasn’t eating properly and I hadn’t slept a whole night through in over two weeks. I was losing weight, I couldn’t concentrate, and I was insanely irritable. I felt like I was teetering on the edge of some terrible illness. I felt like crap.

She sent me a text message the morning after “the” text, asking if I’d come to my senses yet. In other words, had I changed my mind. I LOL’d and said no. She called me crazy, LOL’d, and then told me to prepare myself for Tuesday night because it was going to be amazing.

How do I even begin to explain how I felt about “the deal”, and the prospect of seeing her that Tuesday night? I was torn in half by the whole thing. I absolutely, one hundred percent did not want to go through with this “mine for a year” deal. I did not want to pursue anything sexual with Jessica Bell. I didn’t want to take advantage of her. I wanted the exact opposite, to take care of her and protect her from harm. I desperately wanted her to know that I was a “good guy”. In short, I was in love with her.

On the other hand, I absolutely, one hundred percent wanted to go through with this “mine for a year” deal with Jessica Bell. I desperately wanted to touch her all over, to cuddle her and kiss her and cradle her in my arms. I wanted to feel her lips pressed against mine. I wanted to gaze in wonder at every inch of her beautiful naked body. In short, I was in love with her.

I kept thinking things would sort themselves out, that over time I would resolve my feelings and make a decision about “the deal” one way or another. But as Tuesday approached, the conflicting feelings just intensified. One minute I was sending her a text message saying I wouldn’t be upset if she backed out of the deal, and that I would still honour my part of the bargain by giving her the car money, no strings attached; the next minute I was booking a hotel room (with a spa!) for our upcoming “night of passion”.

When Tuesday morning arrived and my phone beeped with a message from Jessica Bell, I knew instinctively that it was bad news. I left the message unopened for almost an hour before I read it. Sure enough, she was postponing our night together.

Message from Jessica Bell, 9:30 am: hey mikey! how r u? hey i’m so sorry but i can’t come tonight. my car is still fucked and my mum needs her car tonight. i’m so sorry! r u free Friday night? we could do it then? love u xxx

I scoffed and put my phone back on the desk without replying. I was inexplicably furious. I should have known she would back out. I should have known it. Questions and accusations raced through my mind. Why doesn’t she just let me pick her up in my car? If she doesn’t want to go through with the deal, why the fuck did she offer it in the first place? She was the one who brought up this whole idea, not me. And signing off with “love you”? What the fuck was that shit? She doesn’t love me. If she loved me, she wouldn’t have put up that personals ad when she KNOWS how I feel about her. If she loved me, she wouldn’t charge me money to be my fake girlfriend. In short, I took it very badly. I took it like a complete sook.

As an only child, and a single man who has lived by himself for a very long time, I’m quite used to getting my own way. I can be incredibly selfish and self-centred. And when things don’t go my way, I sook. I can see that now, just as I can see how badly I reacted to Jessica postponing on me that first night…and, for that matter, how I treated her in general. There’s a very good reason why I was single for all those years.

So I replied to Jessica and moved our hotel room booking (with spa!) from Tuesday night to Friday. As Friday approached, I grew simultaneously excited and despondent. I was excited about the prospect of seeing her…but at the same time I became more and more certain that she would cancel. Nevertheless, I made my plans. I went into full cliche mode and arranged for the hotel staff to sprinkle rose petals on our bed (I saw it in a movie once, and always wanted to try it). I bought her flowers…and chocolates…and even a bottle of expensive champagne (despite the fact that I don’t drink). I also asked my friends for ideas of a simple but impressive dinner that I could cook for her.

I spent all day Friday next to my phone, virtually daring it to beep with a message from Jessica Bell. By the time I finished work, there was still no message, and I started to believe it was really going to happen. Tonight is the night! I get to see Jessica again! And…more… I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I wanted to see her, to hear her voice and listen to her awesome funny stories. I wanted to feel her arms around me again. And, of course, there was that small but insistent spark in the back of my mind that couldn’t help but be thrilled by the prospect of taking her back to our hotel room (with spa!).

I was slicing some vegetables for dinner at 6:45 pm when my phone beeped. I swore and tossed the knife across the kitchen. There was no question that it could be a message from anybody else, or that it could just be Jessica saying “see you soon”. Nope, I was absolutely convinced that she was cancelling. And I was right.

Message from Jessica Bell, 6:45 pm: hey mikey i’m so sorry but i’ve been feeling really sick all day. i hoped it would get better but it’s just getting worse. i’m throwing up and stuff. not pleasant. i’m really really sorry. how r u, r u ok? xxx

I should have been sympathetic and caring. I should, at least, have taken some time to calm down before I replied. Instead, I tossed our dinner into the garbage, angrily sent her the following message, and threw my phone across the room.

Message from Michael Morgan, 6:46 pm: Okay

That led to this conversation:

Message from Jessica Bell, 6:48 pm: i’m really sorry mikey. i dont know whats wrong with me. i feel so sick. r u ok? what r u up to?

Message from Michael Morgan, 6:50 pm: Well, I just threw out the dinner that I was making for us. And I guess I have to cancel the hotel room I booked for us for tonight. They’ll be pissed too, because I got them to do something a bit special for us.

Message from Jessica Bell, 6:55 pm: i don’t like guilt trips mike. i can still come if u really want me to throw up everywhere

Message from Michael Morgan, 6:57 pm: No, stay home and get better. Sorry I said all that. I’m just disappointed. I’m really sorry you’re sick though.

Message from Jessica Bell, 7:01 pm: i was looking forward to tonight too u know. i didn’t choose to get sick. u don’t have to make me feel shit about it. i feel shit enough already without ur help

I felt terrible. What had I done? After some hasty and vigorous backtracking, I somehow made things right again. Over the course of the weekend, the icicles fell off our relationship and we started to make plans again, this time for 8 pm the following Tuesday, the 11th of August.

Half an hour before she was due to arrive, she sent a text message telling me she would be late because her mum hadn’t come home with the car yet. She also, devastatingly, told me her mum would need the car early the following morning…so she wouldn’t be able to spend the night. Anger and disappointment began to course through my veins, but somehow I managed to quash it down. At least she was still coming. At least I’d get to see her soon.

But by 8:38 pm, she still hadn’t arrived.

First published:
Sunday, 20 May 2012

Credits:
Rodan by Jepe
Michael’s clothes from DAZ3D
Characters rendered in DAZ Studio 4 Pro
Composited and postwork in Photoshop CS6 Extended